I lay here and I wonder, how much sleep could one really lose..its drives me crazy..some days all I can think about from the moment I wake up is the moment I will be able to go back to sleep..i nap, sometimes for hours..other days I get none.the worst part? Usually it is the days I don't nap!
Here I lay. Uncomfortable in my own body for no particular reason..the pain is hard to describe..the exhaustion...and when the urticaria joins the party misery brings a new meaning, for weeks or months at a time. Struggling to keep mandatory commitments that keep the daily matters of the home in order.
Here I lay..reflecting. Thankful for those around me that have supported me when I couldn't support myself, from going to procedures, to holding me tight as hot tears of frustration sting my welted face. Those who although disappointed at my reluctance to make plans, and even more when I cancel them know and love me enough to know I am my own worst enemy and have beat myself up more before during and after then anyone could do by chastising me (kick me while I am down please thank you) those people that have listened to every word after a dr appointment, asked questions when they didn't understand, and have shown respect love and compassion so much at times they read up on resources to educate on ways to provided support. And offer wisdom on how to get through it from those familiar with your shoes. Thankful.
Here I lay. Thinking about the other side.. The friends that can't wrap their head around the concept of "being sick" friends? That despite my attempts to try and explain..the multiple resources that I have tried to provide where others have been able to put into words which I cannot. Passive aggressive comments can be hurtful.no matter how many times I do make effort to go see you, how many times..its the not times remembered. I notice that you don't attempt contact, after a time or two of me not feeling well..that when the last time you did you only asked at a others request, and when i said I would have to see because I was not feeling well (not wanting to disappoint) told me you knew I wouldn't..in fact you told them so before you asked. Quickly turning my maybe to a firm no..thank you for explaining to others how you perceive my situation. You say you understand..that a stranger opened your eyes..yet...snide remarks occasionally how you no longer "try" to interact with me you got over "missing me" oh! But don't worry..you still love me..conditionally I wonder?
Here I lay. Thinking about the many conversations I have daily via text..curious..how can some be so happy to just be in your life and value you so much...and others so hurtful? I hope that at some time they will value what I do have to offer at this moment..and that can be enough. I pray.
Here I lay. But I dont look sick.
Here I lay. Uncomfortable in my own body for no particular reason..the pain is hard to describe..the exhaustion...and when the urticaria joins the party misery brings a new meaning, for weeks or months at a time. Struggling to keep mandatory commitments that keep the daily matters of the home in order.
Here I lay..reflecting. Thankful for those around me that have supported me when I couldn't support myself, from going to procedures, to holding me tight as hot tears of frustration sting my welted face. Those who although disappointed at my reluctance to make plans, and even more when I cancel them know and love me enough to know I am my own worst enemy and have beat myself up more before during and after then anyone could do by chastising me (kick me while I am down please thank you) those people that have listened to every word after a dr appointment, asked questions when they didn't understand, and have shown respect love and compassion so much at times they read up on resources to educate on ways to provided support. And offer wisdom on how to get through it from those familiar with your shoes. Thankful.
Here I lay. Thinking about the other side.. The friends that can't wrap their head around the concept of "being sick" friends? That despite my attempts to try and explain..the multiple resources that I have tried to provide where others have been able to put into words which I cannot. Passive aggressive comments can be hurtful.no matter how many times I do make effort to go see you, how many times..its the not times remembered. I notice that you don't attempt contact, after a time or two of me not feeling well..that when the last time you did you only asked at a others request, and when i said I would have to see because I was not feeling well (not wanting to disappoint) told me you knew I wouldn't..in fact you told them so before you asked. Quickly turning my maybe to a firm no..thank you for explaining to others how you perceive my situation. You say you understand..that a stranger opened your eyes..yet...snide remarks occasionally how you no longer "try" to interact with me you got over "missing me" oh! But don't worry..you still love me..conditionally I wonder?
Here I lay. Thinking about the many conversations I have daily via text..curious..how can some be so happy to just be in your life and value you so much...and others so hurtful? I hope that at some time they will value what I do have to offer at this moment..and that can be enough. I pray.
Here I lay. But I dont look sick.
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