There are many of us out there that can't convince a child just by laying down together. Some of us have tried diet changes, vitamins, excersice, the list is really endless. IF you have a child and you are reading this, and have not struggled PLEASE do not tell me all about how fertile you are, how easy it was for you. I understand you wanting to provide some kind of support, and appreciate it. But, when you go through this struggle, hearing how easy it is for what seems like Everyone else, does not help. It makes the tears flow faster, hotter, and bigger... I spend night after night dreaming about what motherhood would be like. From how labor would be, to what kind of snacks I would feed my little one, to how I would react to the first scraped elbow. I wonder about what they would look like, sound like, and most of all...FEEL like in my womb, in my arms, in my heart. Would they have fair skin, or olive under tones? Blonde or strawberry hair, blue or green eyes...the list of questions really is endless. When everyone around you has babies you can see their smiles and feel their breath on you when you pick them up and love on them. Some days it helps to spend time with people and their children. Other days it hurts. I wish this was easier to explain...and easier for people to understand...It sounds terrible but I don't want to talk about how wonderful parenthood is, I don't want to hear how your children have completed your life. I am WELL aware that something is missing from my life, and I have no control over it. One of the cruelest things God ever did, was to make it so that some can and some can't and 90% of those of us that can't have to deal. We know there are other options, so please please don't go into all of that, is that is another blog of frustration all by itself. We are looking into other options, but in our current situation, there are not "other options" Even if there were...it does not replace the feeling of your childs movement in your womb, the baby shower with your friends and family helping you celebrate the life you are bringing into the world. So even if you take "other options" you still miss out on some of the greatest experiences life has to offer. Like sitting on a Friday night with your husband hands on your belly feeling the life in your belly move, and talking about what you hope their future holds. I just needed to get some of this out, and if you don't have some thing constructive or positive to say...truth is I don't want to hear it, keep it to your self.
Thanks
Thursday, January 20, 2011
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The thing that really gets under my skin is when fertiles tell you how fertile they are or judge the options you are taking when TTC (like saying taking fertility drugs are harmful-how do they even know that, and harmful to who?). It's like they are telling me to just sit back, wait and hope for the best as they are laughing in my face and under-developed uterus. It really makes me want to rub the successes I have that they have yet to achieve in their faces just so they have an understanding of what their ignorance feels like. Not everyone gets what they want in life in the same way, and just because you're fertile shouldn't mean you lack a sensitivity chip. There are lots of blogs out there for IF couples. You can check them out just by Googling Infertility. Shoot, pass them on to the fertiles too so they can gain some empathy on this as well. We would all be a lot happier.
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